How To Tap Into The Inner Caretaker Within

odettenightsky
Jul 3
4 min read

I was one of the fortunate ones. I grew up with loving parents. They were not perfect and they were of a generation that by their example did not teach me how to emotionally communicate. They unconsciously taught me how to suppress my feelings which ended up over the years literally blowing up in my face which looked exactly like psychosis. However, beyond that, they loved me and cared for me deeply especially in the early years where we as children garner our first impressions and react to the behaviour that we see them display, not only to us, but to others.

Early abuse by a family friend, a lot of hospitalisation due to my kidney failure and relentless bullying was where my paramount wounding lay.

I felt safe coming home to my family. Many were not that fortunate. They may have come from parents that perhaps should not have even been in that role, due to their own wounding, mental health issues, sensitivities, trauma blockages, addictions, jealousies wrapped up in the inability to love anyone including themselves and sadly would end up punishing their children for it.

So how do you offer love to your wounded inner self if you don’t quite know what that is or what it looks like or actually feels like? Easy to say and be philosophical and theoretical about, but the practice of the how to, can be incredibly daunting.

One of the practices I have leaned over my years is a technique from a workbook that was written by Paula Courteau. It was one of the books from the training I did called Whole Hearted Healing. Naturally I have adapted it a bit without losing the important guidelines, as is my way. Its a book that teaches you a loving way back to yourself

The Steps

Imagine something that you love unconditionally but are not personally attached to (as this can bring up feelings of possible anxiety, grief or even more suffering). So for example, it might be: a beautiful sunrise, gentle waves softly kissing the sand on a white or pebbled beach, a deep green or deciduous forest, a picturesque scene of any kind so don’t feel limited, or a basket of sweet puppies, kittens or a horse running free, if your into Buddha, Jesus, Guan Yin or a benevolent archetype that might suit too. For me its the furry otters floating on the water scooping up their babies on their chests or even a bunch of them holding hands as they float along and snooze.

Now with that image in mind close your eyes, add to that by literally stretching out your arms nice and wide into a semi circle curve to either gently grasp the image and slowly pull yourself towards it or slowly pull the image towards you, which is my preference. When I say slowly, I mean like man on the moon with no gravity slow, really really slowly. After each long in and out breath you either move closer or bring it closer until you actually merge with that unconditional compassionate loving image and your hands finally land across one another on your chest. Do not rush this process, take it really slowly, you have plenty of time. No-one is watching. The inner critic might think its silly, but just say thanks for that input and continue on.

Once you feel as if you and the image have merged, slow down your breathing and then you might like to gently stroke your upper heart (the centre top part of your chest between your sternum and the dip in your neck meeting your collar bone) all the way down to your sternum as a bit of self soothing. This may be something you may have never unconditionally received as a baby or a child growing up.

This action begins the practic of your inner caretaker. Its about actively choosing to give yourself some gentle loving care with an image you can relate to. In time the caretaker in you will get stronger and then you may actively want to look after your inner child rather than feeling trapped in identifying with its wound and not be able to differentiate between the adult who you are now and the inner child that you were then.

We need to learn to be the better parent to our inner child aspects, thats how we grow past despair and begin to break up old trauma patterns.

My parents were not great at emotional communication so I give my inner child aspects time to share. I offer validation for all emotions, cuddles in my inner sanctuary, create safety with my spirit animals, retrieve what has been lost and most importantly practice offering unconditional love no matter what they feel.